Fitted sheets set impossible standards of perfection, which is why we need to stop caring. That’s what our pets would do. Take those sheets and fold them well enough to fit neatly in the closet. So long as you’ve got some kind of sheet on your bed, you are doing fine enough. Nay, you are doing great!
Part of acing life is not really worrying about perfection. You’re fine as long as you keep calm, carry on, and do your best. Like pets, we must live fully. When life gives you a fitted sheet, do with it as you please. If nothing else works, wrap yourself in the sheet and use it as a light blanket.
"No Pain, No Gain," But Why Live That Way?
Many people hate working out. How can one make exercising less sucky? By cloning yourself, of course. If only there were a way to reap the benefits without experiencing the pain. Or disassociating from your body through a great podcast or Britney Spears playlist. Either one will do.
Jokes aside, the negative emotions associated with exercise are very real. It's usually because we associate it with exhaustion, stress, and negative past experiences while working out. We get it. How about walking and running with your dog instead? All endorphins, zero trauma! Plus, you'll have your best bud by your side who loves spending time with you. Win-win.
We’re Shook!
Our pets recognize voices and obey complex commands. They perform neat tricks, win numerous awards, and can read emotions in a room better than the average human. But most pets don’t even know our names! "Mommy" or "Daddy" doesn’t count, ok? Though we suppose if they did have names for us, it would be along those lines.
All those years of training, and it’s amazing how we missed out on the fundamentals. Right, Hugo. Sit down, my boy. It seems we have a lot of catching up to do! Let's start with three photo albums from childhood, and work our way to the present. Don't worry, there won't be a pup quiz at the end.
No Laughing Matter
The pun is excellent, and we appreciate the joke. But this one gives us mixed feelings. The mere thought of a missing dog makes our hearts sink. We’re afraid of laughing too hard lest we manifest something terrible or tempt fate. Often, missing pets do not find their way home.
Someday we will be good sports about it and laugh. Today is not that day. Let this be a reminder to microchip your dogs in case you already haven’t. Sure, they won't enjoy the trip to the vet's, but it's for their own good, and the best option out of some very bad scenarios.
Thanks for All You Do!
Veterinary hospitals with a human touch are angels sent from heaven! Vets already do incredible work, and then they do something like this, which brightens everyone’s day. Plus, they can attest that even animals lose steam over time. Once peppy puppies become old dogs before you know it. Cats aren't free of the aging process, either.
Pet owners can attest to how nice it can be to read something that makes you laugh while waiting at the vet. Everyone there is scared for their pets and anxious beyond belief. It’s always amazing to read something that makes you feel good while you wait.
There's a Dog Out There for Everyone
Of course! No other hound but the bloodhound will do. Count Dracula as a dog owner is a stretch. Not exactly a picture of stability, is he? He wouldn’t make for a very involved pet parent, sleeping all day and waking only at night. Walks might be a little boring, but then again, The Count and his pup will probably have the whole dog park to themselves.
But a bloodhound would remain loyal regardless. Who knows, a bloodhound’s gentle and noble ways might rub off on Dracula and make him a little more agreeable. That's what man's best friend is for, or in this case, vampire's best friend...
It's Not Personal
For the uninitiated, most dogs have a simple hierarchy of needs, a la Maslow. Food, sleep, and play are right up there! Everything else pales in comparison. "Are you eating that?" will probably take precedence over "Are you ok?" Maybe the shock and humor of the situation will be enough for you to dislodge the food. If that fails, your dog can try the Heim-lick maneuver. Ba Dum Tss.
This isn’t to say dogs don’t care. They care beyond words, these beacons of love and light. But food can temporarily blind them to other concerns. As for this house? We’re confident a Labrador resides here.
We Are All Groot
Can we subscribe to receive updates from the Carroll County Veterinary Clinic? Do they have a brand deal with Samsung yet? They need one, stat. Maybe even a Disney deal while they're at it. Their signage game is on point! This one, in particular, deserves a high-five, a chest bump, and a cool secret handshake all at once.
It makes us want to buy a Samsung phone just so we can call ourselves Guardians of the Galaxy. Naysayers and Apple loyalists can take a hike. Or, we can settle this the old-fashioned way. In the words of Peter Quill, "Dance off, bro."
Higher Education and Enlightenment for Dogs
This joke is hilarious and so clever. It's honestly one of the best on the list. We can’t decide which scenario is cuter – dogs with a Master’s degree or fresh graduates with a more nuanced understanding of their humans. These canine cuties have our hearts no matter what they do. So it's great that they may be one step closer to understanding that.
Cheers, and massive congratulations to the graduating class! It’s been a long road, but we know you worked hard and aimed to please. Go forth and spread your joy. Make this big, bad world a better place. We know you can do it.
Mystical Beings
Dogs are typically honest, open, and often predictable. We understand dogs. But cats? Despite being the world’s most popular pet, cats remain an enigma, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. They are aloof and evasive. Cats insist on being accepted on their terms. What those terms might be, the world will never completely know.
Unlike almost every other domestic animal, cats come and go as they please. They might live with us, but possess remarkable agency and control over their lives - not to mention, ours. Cats are like the women of animals, those beautiful enigmas that we'll never crack.
Quitting Cold Turkey Is Never a Good Idea
Instead, we became addicted to cold cuts and beer. All jokes aside, quitting cold turkey never works, whether you’re swearing off meat or lame puns that aggravate loved ones. It's a pretty extreme measure that works for a small percentage of people, but you're better of taking things in moderation. Which sucks for this person's family, who won't see their redemption as soon as they would like to.
The only way to stop is to decrease the urge gradually. Alternatively, find someone trustworthy who can keep you accountable. If all else fails, try putting a dollar or five in the jar whenever the impulse strikes. An empty wallet can be a great motivator.
A Marketing Nightmare
Why? It’s probably because the name "apple juice" is already taken. Apple would need to do a lot of work to steer the search engines in their favor to corner the term "apple juice." However, you can argue that they already succeeded with the word "apple." Although the name is fun it’s not entirely accurate (if you care about that kind of thing). Technically, electricity is the juice.
The charger is merely a conduit for the juice to flow. Going by that logic, the charger is the straw to the apple juice and not the juice itself. We’re sorry for the pointless explanation and for killing the joke.
The Bare Minimum
A cat wrote this sign, it’s plain to see. Cats did not become our overloads by going above and beyond. How dare you insinuate such a thing? They make us do the hard work instead, and prefer being served. So, if a cat is going the extra mile, you can bet that somewhere, hidden deep in your bedroom, is a dead bird that your cat is proud of catching, but unsure how you'll receive the gift.
Cats in the wild are, of course, different and hunt for their food. But most domesticated cats know how the system works and exploit it (read, us). They give us the occasional cuddle and validation in return, which seems like a fair trade.
Cats and Carboard Boxes — a Love Story
Gotcha! We bet you were doing all kinds of mental math trying to figure out how many cats you could fit in a box. Owners are frequently perplexed when their cats seem far more interested in a box than a fun new toy. In a cat's eyes, no toy in the world, no matter how fancy, compares to a simple cardboard box. It's the little things in life.
It turns out that cats think boxes are safe! Aww. Cats instinctively seek out confined spaces where they can hunt prey, hide, and feel safe and warm. As a result, snug cardboard boxes are ideal.
Dog Parks Have a Reputation
What happens a the dog park… should stay at the dog park, although this is never the case. Remnants of dog park excursions almost always come home. We’re talking little scrapes and nicks, muddy paw prints, and dirt everywhere. So much dirt.
Let’s not forget the tick and flea infestation overnight. There’s also the niggling worry that your dog may have met someone special in the park. All we’re saying is that dog parks aren’t ideal for a secret rendezvous. Not if you want it to stay secret, anyway. And, let's be honest, dogs have many great qualities to them, but modesty and bashfulness are not part of their repertoire.
Not Every Dog
All bark and no bite — are we talking about big dogs? Most big dogs, anyway. Both big dogs and small dogs have amazing qualities that make them lovable and one-of-a-kind. Still, it's wise to not cross either unless you want to test the strength of canine gums. They may be less sharp, but you've still got the entire strength of a dog's jaw to contend with.
There can be no winner because both kinds are amazing in their own right. But some of the stereotypes are unfortunately true. Smaller dogs tend to have Napoleon complexes. They are opinionated, headstrong, and less obedient. In that case, they're all bark AND bite should the need arise.
As Fast as a Turkey?
Did you know wild turkeys are fast runners? We didn’t until today. It turns out that wild turkeys can fly and also run remarkably fast. These birds can reportedly run as fast as 25 miles per hour and fly up to 55 miles per hour. Who would have thought that these gangly birds were actually twinkle toes in disguise?
When a predator threatens a flock of wild turkeys, the birds' first instinct is to flee on foot. They can fly, but they can only maintain their top speed for about 400 meters before needing to land. Domesticated turkeys are heavier and can’t run quite as fast.
The Perfect Thanksgiving Anthem
Okay, we don’t want to get into any trouble. Thanksgiving dinner and turkey are always contentious issues. Who’s to say what makes an incredible turkey dinner? Some people believe it’s all in the stuffing, while others swear by turkey gravy.
Some of us couldn’t care less about the bird. But we’re inclined to agree that it really is all about that baste! Meghan Trainor was on to something, even if she didn’t know it then. Imagine thinking you've written the song of the summer and then, on top of achieving that goal, you also find yourself at the head of a contentious Thanksgiving debate.
A Pretty Cool Joke
Are you saying this snowman gets to pick its own nose and it costs him virtually nothing? No way! OMG, California celebs can’t believe it, they could just die. Plastic surgeons everywhere are beside themselves. Then again, snowmen melt in heat due to their chemical makeup which doesn't happen to people. Well, maybe actually to some people in Los Angeles, it does...
Meanwhile, life goes on as usual for Mr. Snowman. Should he get a pointy nose or something a little rounder this year? Long and thin noses, bright orange or mellow yellow noses. Picking noses sounds like fun!
Where Did They Went?
They has. Whether you’re a grammar purist or not, you have to admit this is funny. Still, everyone should care about grammar, even though informal language at work nowadays is more or less an accepted norm. Even in texting, it's not unreasonable to text your boss and use imperfect grammar - and don't even get us started on all this Gen Z slang that makes no sense.
Grammar facilitates clear and precise communication, which are valuable traits to have in the world of business as well as in life overall. It's all fun and games on a signboard and the occasional email until it's not.
Embrace Autocorrect
It’s not every day that someone makes a case for autocorrect. Autocorrect is an annoying but a necessary evil. Most of us spend so much time on our smartphones that typing out every single word becomes a task. Most of us are too lazy to read what we typed before we send it. We trust that autocorrect will be our safety net and, failing that, hopefully, the context is enough for the other person to understand what we meant.
And let’s face it, some of us are terrible at spelling. Even spelling simple words can seem alien on some days. Autocorrect saves us time and embarrassment, and in this case, it could have been someone’s best friend.
Whimsical New Creatures
Thank heavens this isn’t ancient Greece, where mythical animals could kill you. There are no signs of a Minotaur or a Griffin anywhere, only cute dandy lions who have stolen our hearts. They sound like the life of the party. Although, a lion, however dandy, is still pretty dangerous, and you might want to think twice before getting up close and personal with it.
Joining him is the Collie-Flower — the beautiful love child of a sheepdog and a rose. We also have a hushpuppy — a tiny dog that can’t bark but is a canine work of art nonetheless. What a party.
Adopt, Don't Shop
People wouldn’t be recycling pets in a perfect world, yet such are the terrible times we live in. If you can’t wrap your head around recycling or cruelty-free lifestyles, consider adopting a pet instead. We've got to say, though, this is a wild marketing tactic to refer to adopting pets as taking on recycled items. We get the message the sign is trying to send, but yikes.
It’s a small but significant start. Animal shelters are full to capacity with happy, healthy pets just waiting for a new home. Adoption costs you next to nothing, discourages puppy mills, and helps build a more humane society.
The Dreaded Cone of Shame
If your dog has ever withdrawn affection and hated your guts, chances are an Elizabethan collar is to blame. Their quiet rage and disgust are palpable — enough to make you feel like the worst human on the planet. But it’s part of the healing process.
We think the cone needs an urgent rebranding. Let’s stop calling it the "cone of shame" for starters. These are cones of bravery for the strongest dogs in the land. We get the animosity, though. If you had to wear an embarrassing article of clothing that advertised to everyone that you just had a procedure, and you can't be trusted to leave your wounds well enough alone, you would probably lash out, too.
Game On!
Boxers always have their game faces on. These prime athletes already look like they’re having a bad day, so why ruin it for them with football? They would rather run and stand in the corner, waiting to jump on you when the bell rings.
You know, the way boxers do. These magnificent dogs don’t kick things around, only when they need attention. He’s just a poor boy looking for scratches, treats, and belly rubs. They always look a little grumpy thanks to their big jowls and big eyes. But really, they are just big sweethearts, and wouldn't hurt a fly in reality.
Do You Agree?
The numbers are in, and they don’t lie. Call us optimists, but we concur with the findings of the Institute of Unfinished Research. A fine academic institution that has produced some of the finest thinkers of our era. That’s six out of 10 people, you guys! Six out of 10 people, who we hope get the joke.
Ah, research, the sweet pursuit of knowledge that brings up more questions than it answers. By its very nature, research will always be incomplete, there is just always too much data and never enough time. 10 out of 10 academics agree, and that's saying a lot.
The Unbearable Sound of Silence
Puppies, kittens, cats, and dogs – there’s no age when silence isn’t suspicious unless you can see them napping in plain sight. We prefer calling it the calm before the storm. It’s the calm you experience before all hell breaks loose. It's similar to having kids, but by a certain age, you can reason with kids and, more importantly, bribe them. Pets are notoriously difficult to bribe and reason with.
The eerie silence before discovering toilet paper everywhere or your brand-new sofa in pieces. Hello Hoover, our old friend. We’ve come to hang with you again. The sound of silence.
Alanis, Please Note
Finally, someone who understands the term "ironic," especially after Alanis Morrisette ruined it for the world with her fantastic albeit factually inaccurate song. 10,000 spoons when you need a knife isn’t ironic. Again, a traffic jam when you’re already late isn’t ironic.
Don’t get us started on the verse with the "No Smoking" sign. You could have gone anywhere else, Alanis. These are merely a series of unfortunate events. The word "queue" is ironic, however, and it’s also hilarious. Alanis, yeah, we're talking directly to you because we're sure you're reading this, you done messed up kid, even though you made one catchy bop.
Talk About Priorities
This is probably how our pets feel every time we leave the house. The sign gets us thinking and questioning all our life choices thus far. Everyone needs to make a living, but how much is too much? According to our pets, any time out of the house and away from them is too much. Maybe even sleeping is too much. That said, they are a little biased.
Unwind at home or look into your pet’s eyes and you will find the answers you seek. Life is for the living, not the permanently exhausted. Switch off, unplug, and walk with your dog instead.
Looking Good Is Hard Work
There are no two ways about it. We love cats, but hairballs are a nuisance. They are unpleasant for the person who has to clean them up and can also cause intestinal blockages in cats. Also, there are few things that are more unpleasant than hearing a cat hacking up a hairball in the middle of the night. They are notoriously inconsiderate at best, and this is no exception.
The good news is that hairballs form due to your cat’s healthy and meticulous grooming routine. Nobody said looking fabulous was easy. Hairballs aren’t alarming unless your cat’s gagging symptoms seem out of the ordinary.
Chihuahuas Bring Main Character Energy
Let’s taco about it, indeed! Adopting a chihuahua is no child’s play. Don’t be fooled by their size, because these tiny dogs have huge personalities. Chihuahuas are as affectionate and loyal as they are suspicious. Still, you better watch out. They change moods like the weather - one minute all sunny and smiley, the next, dark and thunderous.
These sassy little dogs can sniff weakness from miles away. Watch out, or you might suddenly find yourself being bossed around - by a little rat. Chihuahuas probably won't bite the hands that feed them, but some of them are not averse to nipping ankles instead.
Up in the Air
The spirit behind this vague sign is best captured by Alison Krauss, who sang, "You say it best, when you say nothing at all." After all, philosophy is what you make of it. This sign is a great reminder to just fake it 'til you make it. Nobody really knows what they're doing (even your boss). We're all just trying to get by.
There are no right or wrong answers, no one way to live. Still, this hospital probably ran out of ideas for signage and just went with it. Nobody gets the joke, and that was the point, we think.
A Well-Behaved Leprechaun
Behold! A leprechaun that takes road safety seriously! Do our brains and eyes deceive us? Surely, this must be some kind of mistake. The world knows leprechauns as restless and amusing beings, always up for a little mischief. Still, they're not crazy, and they don't have a death wish. Any leprechaun knows that there is no crazier creature than a driver who thinks they own the road. Why take any chances?
Running a red light is on-brand for these mythical creatures, or so we thought. This changes everything. Who knows, one might even find that pot of gold by simply being a law-abiding citizen. What a dream!
We Understand!
Clowns and feeling funny are synonymous, just not in the way one would think. We feel for this lion. The poor guy should have watched what he ate a little more closely.
Clowns mean to make us laugh, and perhaps a few of them succeed. But more often than not, they evoke a range of mixed emotions instead, from humor and sheer terror to the most baffling melancholy and ennui. We wonder where the deep-seated fear of clowns that exists in so many of us comes from? Maybe it's the fact that they look quasi-human, and that's creepy in and of itself.
Spoiler Alert, Cats Are, in Fact, the Boss of You
Most cats are your boss, it is a universally acknowledged fact. Some cats are assertive and may stop short of all-out aggression. But experts believe most cats are adept at designing social hierarchies, in which one cat calls the shots and others are subordinates. It's usually based on who is the biggest cat and has the scariest meow. It's like playing chicken meets Mexican standoff.
Bossy cats will go to any length to get what they want, simply because they are confident and see you as pliable. Do you share your house with a bossy cat? We would wager, yes, you do.
Chasing Cars Around Our Heads
This one’s a hoot! Holden F is a clever third-grader who has hopefully scored an A+ on this assignment. Lazy dogs running around parked cars has us in stitches! Ever wonder what dogs would do when they finally caught up with cars?
After all the adrenaline and the relentless chasing, is this all there is? An unresponsive, stationary car? Would they run around it regardless or not know what to do with themselves? Knowing dogs, they wouldn't let something like logic get in the way of their fun - they would see the bright side. Like how they subdued their pray into a fright so great that they can't move. Then, they would probably feel pretty proud of themselves.
Petition to Add "Pouch Potatoes" to the Dictionary
Few things are as adorable as baby kangaroos, all snug and safe inside their mother’s pouch. We weren’t ready for "pouch potatoes," however. Our hearts melted. It's got to be comfy in there, and would probably make for the most epic naps.
Fun fact: Male kangaroos are often referred to as "jacks," "boomers," and "bucks," whereas female kangaroos are referred to as "jills," "does," or "flyers." If you tell an Australian you saw a jack, jill, and a joey in a mob, they know exactly what you mean. Australians claim to speak English, but between the accent and all that jargon - are we sure they do?
Oh No, You Didn't!
You’ve got to be a kitten, right? Someone ran their mouth without thinking or clearly has a death wish. One simply doesn't joke about cats, let alone three-legged ones. Also, it's a cheap shot. Anyone can see that they are missing a leg, it's low-hanging fruit to mock it.
Anyone will tell you that! These felines have a reputation for being indifferent, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t sensitive. An offended cat is no joke. They might hiss and make up without scratches and bites if you’re lucky. But there are higher chances of an ensuing cat-astrophe. And you'll deserve it.
The Time of Our Lives
Since we can’t have Patrick Swayze, give us the next best thing! You would be hard-pressed to find someone as hopelessly in love with you as your dog. Which human would literally run to be in your loving arms at the end of the day? Dogs!
The best dancing partners are those who can’t be bothered by missteps or failed choreography—they're just happy they get to do it with you. They possess the confidence to go straight for that jump and never look back or hesitate. They trust you completely to catch them, and even if you don't, they get to pin you down and lick you. If that isn’t true love, we don’t know what is.
Peaceful Coexistence
Most of us adore our pets as much as we love cleaning the house. Is there a world where both these things peacefully coexist? Yes, with a little ingenuity and resourcefulness. Some deep breathing can also go a long way. Plus, don't blame your pets. They don't control how much they shed, and they don't really understand the value of an hour spent cleaning, just to have to start over again.
Keep an emergency cleaner on hand (water and vinegar). Buy smaller mats instead of an entire rug. Invest in stylish but inexpensive throws to keep sofas clean. Pets are cute and messy, but as anyone will attest, they are worth the trouble.
We See What You Did There
Dalmatians are beautiful dogs, and this Dalmatian joke hits the spot. Thank goodness for their signature spots. Other dogs are camouflage ninjas. You can’t tell the difference between a Golden Doodle and a rug. Shih Tzus are white floofs that often blend into carpets, while Komondors look like mopheads.
It’s easier to find Dalmatians for some cuddle time. Just avoid buying anything with black and white polka dots for the house or car. Maybe, just maybe, Cruella De Vil was onto something with her obsession with Dalmations (besides for the whole 'wanting to wear their coats' thing - we're not on board with that).
Phones vs. Dogs
"Collar IDs" is an excellent pun. Who knew dogs and phones shared so many similar traits? We can’t stop checking our phones. We also can’t help but cuddle our dogs every 15 minutes. We get special phone cases, and buy our pups cute outfits.
A notification makes us jump just as fast as a dog about to puke. We could watch our pooches all day in the same way we stare at our screens for hours. If you look hard enough, there's a lesson here for everyone. Sometimes, worlds collide and you can watch videos of dogs ON your phone. Technology really has come so far.
Shhh! We Don't Use That Word Here
Oh no! Did someone just use the dreadful "D" word? We may never know who put up this sign, but one thing’s for sure, the pets weren’t consulted. Food is everything, and this sign reeks of human deception!
The word on the street is they plan to stage a protest and are deploying their best tactics — puppy eyes. The cats say don’t bother. It’s a waiting game, and humans are weak. They will give in eventually. On a side note, have you ever seen a cat that needs to go on a diet? It's not always the prettiest sight, and we can't imagine it's a fun task, either.
The Other Son of Odin
An epic tale about the adventures of a dog called Labrathor and his trusty hammer? Take all our money already! Given the recent lack of inspiration, we believe the Marvel Cinematic Universe could use some shaking up. Marvel loves alternative realities where the same characters are played by multiple actors. So, it's not totally unreasonable to suggest just one alternative Thor is a dog.
Who better than a dog to take up the challenge? Labrathor is perfect for the job — the best, most capable, and handsomest blond boy in the land (maybe the universe?). Sold-out theaters and happy audiences are guaranteed.
Duh!
Tickle us pink because this joke is hilarious. Of course! That’s why flamingos stand on one leg. They would fall down otherwise. Slow claps for everyone who has asked this question at some point. Also slow claps for the dad who probably came up with that joke.
Don’t we all feel like silly geese today! (Pun absolutely intended.) The logic is devastatingly infallible. The humor is deadpan and wonderfully dry. Excuse the flamingos while they put one of their feet down and have the last laugh. We wonder how many flamingos this veterinary hospital got to treat. It's not like they make very common house pets.
Street Light People and Pets
The original song is pretty great, but we might have a soft spot for this version. In a world of boxed-in identities and polarizing lies, this is the anthem we need. We've actually long said that the Journey hit was great, but needed some animal flare to it. We're glad that the good people at Park Veterinary Hospital agree.
Felines and canines, take that midnight train and unite. Break barriers and stereotypes. Maybe form an epic band together. Show humans that life is for living, not petty differences. The lyrics might be different, but we’re all singing the same tune. Speaking of - don't try to hide it, you sang this in your head, and you're probably singing the rest of it now as well.
Sliding Into DMs Like…
Read that wrong, did you? Everyone needs to get their minds out of the gutter for a moment. Just because this vet clinic is in Florida, suddenly it has to be a cesspool, like the rest of Florida. In fact, this hospital is only interested in actual kitties. Do you have kitties? Send pictures, please.
Any and all pictures will do. Kitties sleeping or sunbathing, good or bad kitties — everything is acceptable. For anyone who has ever wondered what a crazy cat lady’s DMs look like, this is pretty much the gist of it. It's also probably what her outgoing messages largely consist of.
Vel-Crow Power
Finally, a joke about crows! The world has plenty of stories about wise owls and peaceful doves. Crows have had horrible PR since we can remember, thanks to hyper-imaginative authors and Hollywood filmmakers. "Vel-Crows" does a fine job of making this bird accessible.
Dare we say the pun makes crows sound amusing — like fun fellows, even? We dare not, actually. Lest we forget, a group of crows is called a murder. Crows who stick together spit together and, according to urban legend, may plot revenge together. Come to think of it, perhaps that's why not many jokes are written about them.
A Whee-ly Good Joke
Be right back. We’re just booking ourselves an appointment at this fun place called the Holly Ridge Veterinary Hospital. Legend has it they used to be a comedy club but they couldn't draw in the crowds. So they took some marketing risks - and it's paid off. Massive props to the pun, even though it has nothing to do with vets or animals.
This sign exists solely to delight and elicit chuckles. What a great way to greet patrons as they enter, people who are most likely anxious about their pet’s health. Happy people equal happy pets, and this hospital shows us how to set the right mood.
But First, Coffee
This feels like it was written by one of those angry-looking birds whose feathers are always ruffled. Maybe a penguin that is malting. Either way, where’s the lie? Coffee makes everything better. Most of us live for those brief moments of peace each morning, sipping quietly, waiting for this elixir to work its magic.
So, it seems crazy why anyone would want to discuss work, love, and life before morning coffee. Do you like disappointment and despair first thing in the morning? Are you a sucker for pain? Coffee gets us out of bed most days, as do our pets.
You Most Likely Have Cats
Ghosts in the house? Maybe. But we have a sneaking suspicion that this house has a cat that is gleefully seizing the day. You’re forgiven for thinking the house is haunted. Cats and ghosts share similar traits, after all. Both are fabulous denizens of the night, noiseless and inscrutable, friendly with a side of malicious intent. Both jump at you when you least expect it, but the chances of a cat biting you unprovoked are much higher.
Don't get it twisted, though, the methods of dealing with each are not the same. Even though it might seem perfectly reasonable to bring in a priest to exorcise the demons in your home, "demons" can't refer to your cats here. They may just need a bit more time in the sun.
Chaos, Thy Name Is Cat
Our feline friends are notoriously unpredictable, but you can be sure about one thing: chaos is mere seconds away. Don’t be fooled by their beautiful, large eyes, shining coats, and fluffy tails. Cats can quickly transform into Satan's spawn, their nimble feet turning houses into battlegrounds. It's no wonder that they aren't allowed on airplanes.
"Letting the cat out of the bag" perfectly captures all of the impending mayhem. The phrase was first recorded all the way back in 1540, by a fellow by the name of Johannes Agricola. That's right, this cute little phrase is older than the United States of America.
At Your Service
There’s no denying we live in a cat’s world. Since ancient times, people have worshipped and doted on cats. Who can blame us? They're so furry and cute, and if you can get a cat to like you, it feels like winning the lottery. Cats are a global obsession, earning much more online than the average human by doing nothing. Most domesticated cats have free reign over the house.
Good luck coaxing cats into doing anything they dislike. Unlike dogs, which humans originally domesticated for their hunting, shepherding, and guarding talents, cats never served a utilitarian purpose (aside from hunting mice). Several theories contend that cats taught us to love and cater to their every whim.
Do We Really Want to Know?
Were we prepared for this truth bomb? Nope. Scientists in Japan have even conducted studies to answer the million-dollar question: Is your cat ignoring you? The results suggest what we’ve known all along — they most definitely do. Now, did we need scientific proof to confirm our suspicions? Probably not, but it does end the conversation quicker with those who are trying to defend the kitties.
Cats hear us and can also hear their name being called. They just prefer going about their business instead. We all know they can be jerks, but who among us would not die for their cats?
Parenting the Parents
The concept of "gentle parenting" has been making the rounds on social media, although the idea isn’t brand new. Little did we know that the benefits go beyond helping children. This sign outside Eau Gallie Veterinary Hospital deploys the same concept, but parents are at the receiving end instead.
The hilarious sign gently schools parents who leave their kids unattended at the vet, which can obviously be dangerous for everyone involved. It is both cheeky and effective, both humorous and mildly threatening. And as anyone who has kids knows, mildly threatening is the sweet spot you're looking to hit.
The Appeal of Big Mutts
We love big mutts, alright. They make our hearts and insides melt. There's something about gorgeous big dogs. They have resting bark faces on the outside and behave like giant cuddle monsters on the inside.
But we have a problem. We love small, skinny, and round mutts just as much. It’s impossible to pit dogs against each other. Every dog is the best dog in the world, and all you other brothers can’t deny. You know, we haven't heard much from Sir Mix-a-Lot since, well, 1992, so it's not impossible that he had a career shift and became a vet in Florida. It would explain a lot...
Who Are These People?
Nobody ever said that! This cat pun is adorable — so unbearably adorable that it makes our hearts ache. Seriously, this cat pun makes us want to drive down to a shelter, stat! Let’s bring home a cat or three. We’re not kitten. Also, of all the cat-based puns (and, trust us, there are a lot) "freak meowt" is novel and genius. We can't believe it's not more popular.
Let’s adopt all the kittens in the world. It's safe to say the hospital has made everyone a cat lover with their clever choice of words. Well played, Highland Road Animal Hospital, well played.
The Benefits of “Crazy”
Apparently, befriending a squirrel was this easy, though our furry friends can be discerning, and we ought to be that way too. You can’t act like an ordinary nut and expect squirrels to come running. You've got to be yourself, and the right squirrel will answer. This is a great reminder for all you "nuts" out there to not listen to any hate! It's your winning personality and uniqueness that will earn you an army of squirrels. Then we'll see what the haters have to say.
Nuts come in all shapes and sizes. Squirrels just know when you’re being fake and trying too hard. Try being the nut they need instead — patient and gentle, almost blending into the landscape. Time and space make all the difference.
The Ghost of Christmas Perfection
Fitted sheets set impossible standards of perfection, which is why we need to stop caring. That’s what our pets would do. Take those sheets and fold them well enough to fit neatly in the closet. So long as you've got some kind of sheet on your bed, you are doing fine enough. Nay, you are doing great!
Part of acing life is not really worrying about perfection. You’re fine as long as you keep calm, carry on, and do your best. Like pets, we must live fully. When life gives you a fitted sheet, do with it as you please. If nothing else works, wrap yourself in the sheet and use it as a light blanket.
You Can’t Please Everyone
All signs point to an unbalanced world. Is there a meeting point between underwhelmed and overwhelmed? Is one ever simply just whelmed? It doesn’t seem like it. Our overall vibe is extreme, from an utterly unimpressed Shania Twain to a mind-blown Bruno Mars who thinks everything’s amazing.
Contentment and balance are things of the past. That is where pets come in. Amongst the craziness of business and life, we can go home at the end of the day and see our best furry friends. They remind us to stay grounded and appreciate the present moment — even if only through a funny sign outside the veterinary hospital.
This Turkey Hates Vet Visits
Holly Ridge Veterinary Hospital seems like a fun place. While a peacock is the most plausible answer, a turkey holding its breath is infinitely better. The poor bird is clearly nervous about being at the vet's office and has taken matters into its own hands. Here's a crazy theory that may or may not be scientifically grounded: Peacocks evolved from turkeys holding their breath. Think about it!
Alright, enough science. Back to the sign. When all else fails, throw an epic tantrum! Kick up a fuss! Hold your breath until you turn blue. If it works for humans, it should work for birds too.
Notorious P.U.G
Anyone can appreciate this pun, whether they own a pug or not. Most of us could benefit from some pug-gery in our lives. What is a pug's life like? It involves packing a powerful punch, regardless of your size. Pugs give love unabashedly. It also involves some heavy breathing and a mixture of looks at the park. We are sure every pug has experienced a range of looks from "Aww, sweet baby" to "Yikes!"
They get along with almost everyone but don’t feel the need for constant socializing. Above all, pugs are laid-back. These wise little dogs appreciate the good life and value quality over quantity.
Do It for the Cat's Sake
Dogs can get away with pretty much anything, whether they’re chewing loudly or destroying the couch. Bad breath in dogs seems like one of those harmless things, but it isn’t. Any vet will tell you that. Plus, you know the spine-tingling feeling of having a dog all up in your face, blissfully panting away right into your mouth and nose. Be honest, you can still smell it.
But if you need more proof, ask your cats — feline siblings who just about tolerate dogs in the same space. Take care of your dog's dental health for the sake of both the cat and the dog.
A Rhyme for the Ages
Eau Gallie Veterinary Hospital is acing their signage game, and they’re modest about their achievements too! We agree that "stickin' butts" and "fixin' mutts" are only a tiny part of the job description. Vets mend cuts and fix guts.
They also snip nuts. Vets help pets and their humans out of a rut. Alright, besides for all the wordplay, let us not forget how vets make the world a kinder and better place for animals. All that fixin' and stickin' and snippin' is for the greater good. Plus, not everyone is up to such a task. Heroes, all of you!
For the Love Of Shih Tzus
The Shih Tzus of the world approve of this pun! They endorse this joke and will proceed to have a serious case of the zoomies as proof while grinning from ear to ear. Who cares if their teeth are notoriously crooked? A Shih Tzus’ joy is straight-up infectious, and on top of that, the little fluffs are adorable.
Catch them if you can. Their love and energy are sometimes manic and utterly exhausting for their humans. We Shih Tzu not! By the by, this is one of the most creative ways we have seen someone work in a naughty word into a public message in a long time.
Smoke and Mirrors
Alligators are terrifying as they are. Put them in a suit, and the worldview shifts dramatically. These investigators don’t mess around. They get to the bottom of things, slowly going through the evidence and picking apart one lie at a time - with their teeth, no less!
Their tactics are varied — from playing mind games to casually tossing severed limbs around if needed. Alligators in suits perfectly capture the state of the world today, where the appearance of civility and progress eclipses the dangers lurking underneath. We would not rule out hiring one, but boy, do we not want to be the ones under investigation.
Stop Giving Lions a Bad Name
We see what you did there, but this is a great disservice to lions—a gross misrepresentation and probably a hyena-led conspiracy! The only one "lion" is the person who thought up the joke.
Sure, lions can be terrifying and unpredictable. They are not the kings of the jungle for nothing. Still, like all of us, lions are layered, complex creatures. He’s just a big cat — a very big cat. A lover of naps, snuggles, and playtime. Be careful with belly rubs, though! If you think your cat can change moods like the weather when having its belly rubbed, we don't even want to think about how a lion would act.
No Kidding!
Bernadette Rostenkowski from "The Big Bang Theory" wouldn’t be amused. She’s been here many times before. But this is one of the funniest microbiologist jokes on the internet by far! And we're sure you know just how saturated the internet is with jokes about microbiology.
Yes, they’re much bigger than you expected, and you know what they say about dating a microbiologist. Go ahead and do it. They earn good money and are known to be men and women of culture. (We’re sorry). Carroll County Veterinary Clinic doesn't let anyone off the hook. No one is free from being the target of a billboard joke with these pranksters running the show.
Mouth Brows for the Win
Who cares if the joke isn’t entirely pet-related? We’re rolling (on the floor laughing) at this pun. Language is a funny thing, and it lets us articulate our innermost thoughts and desires. Like "mouth brows." Let’s hope Urban Dictionary embraces "mouth brows" at some point. We deserve it, don't we?
Why has nobody thought of this before? Mouth brow is easier to pronounce, and sounds better, too. You don’t need to worry about how the word is spelled — "mustache" or "moustache." If the growth of hair above the eye is an "eyebrow," "mouth brow" is but a logical derivation.
What Would We Do Without Dogs?
We really don’t deserve dogs. They protect us from all kinds of threats, both real and imagined. Dogs lick our plates clean after dinner (you’re welcome). And, if you forget to water the plants - no problem! Come rain or shine, man's best friend will make sure all plants are well hydrated.
Dogs go the extra mile, even when you don’t need them to. Watering Christmas trees is just one of the ways they make our lives easier. It’s better than having a bunch of dying plants in the house, right? Somebody’s got to do it - and this just is not a job that cats can get on board with.
When a Cat Says Hello, You Pay Attention
Let's be honest, if Joey Tribiani was an animal, he would be a cat. Suave, slick, and able to bend people to their will - we think he checks all the boxes! Every veterinary hospital should have a sign like this one out front. Vet visits are stressful for pets and their humans. Everyone’s anxious walking in, and sometimes you need to wait for hours.
Fun signs are excellent stress relievers, especially since this one seems to be coming from a cat, and cats are otherwise known for their generally reticent and indifferent ways. You just know it’s going to be a good day when you receive validation from a cat. For the record, we also acknowledge that Joey Tribbiani could be a golden retriever in an alternative reality.
We're Not Sure About Dingo Starr
The joke is great, but the concept isn't so much. We wouldn’t put it past Australia to birth a terrifying new animal called the Dingo Starr. Remember, this is the land where people don’t mind enormous spiders living inside their houses because they keep roaches at bay. A place where pinecones falling on your head can kill you.
The saltwater crocodile, one of the world's most aggressive animals, lives in Australia. Dingo Starr sounds amusing until you realize you're in Australia. Still, we think old Ringo Starr would get a laugh out of this - and he's probably tried it out on his own pooch at some point.
You Heard It Here First
All this while, they told us an asteroid had killed the dinosaurs. But this is what can happen when you skip a visit to the vet: chaos and full-blown extinction. Visualize the number of bites, falls, and sprains left untreated during the Cretaceous Period. We bet T-Rex could have benefitted from a dental scaling appointment or ten!
And what about gut health? Seems like Dinosaurs never had it. But your pet doesn’t have to go down that same road. This sign serves as a gentle reminder of just how lucky you are to live at this point in history - with so few asteroids, and so many vets. Don’t skip that vet appointment!
Snip Snip!
Some of us consider multi-tasking a badge of honor. A master juggler understands that not all balls are easy to juggle and knows when to give up. This vet serves as a friendly reminder to pet parents. Sure, it will be uncomfortable for your pooch for a little while, but they will bounce back. Plus, in the long run, you will be glad for the peace and quiet that comes with no puppies running around.
Juggling is overrated. Some balls can come back to bite you in the form of endless vet visits and expensive medical bills. Jokes aside, do yourself and your good boy a favor. Get your pet neutered.
Free the Bunny
Something tells us that the Energizer Bunny will easily make bail. No jury or judge in the world would convict this bunny. Charged with battery? How about being charged with being too lovable instead? This sweet fluff of a bunny couldn’t hurt a fly! The prosecution might have a better chance with speeding accusations - but you didn't hear that from us.
We’re quite sure any injuries sustained were accidental—a case of too much love that can't be contained. Charges dismissed. You’re free to go, energizer bunny, but be careful out there! You saw what they did to Sonic the Hedgehog.
Bovine Mathematics
Mooove out of our way while we decide what to feel about this dad joke. The idea of cows doing math is surreal. It’s probably why they look so preoccupied all the time while seemingly doing nothing. Do they use cow-culators or mental mathematics? We may never know.
All we know is that cows appear to be very busy — busy counting how many times they chew and regurgitate grass or counting the number of steps they take around the field each day. If cows wore smartwatches that counted their steps, we'd all be a bit sorry for how we judged them. Also, we'd have to take a good hard look at ourselves and ask ourselves, how can we attain the physical prowess of a cow?
Poker Face
Cats know better than to waste their time on card games. Not only because everyone’s a "cheetah," but because card games require so much effort. Those complicated rules and lost hours. Why bother? You could be spending that time being delightful or looking fabulous. Or napping. Remember napping? They also don't have opposable thumbs.
Anyway, poker bluffs have nothing on cats, who are naturally adept at mind games. Once a cat unleashes a purr, it transforms from a menacing creature into a cute kitty cat - then BAM. Suddenly you're down an extra hundred bucks. No matter the outcome, a cat will be universally loved and worshipped by everyone at the table. Who’s the real winner?
A Classic Reimagined
"The Great Catsby" is delightful not only for the clever pun but also for its quirky reimagination of the classic novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Somewhere in a parallel universe, Gatsby is just a cat that is hopelessly in love, amassing unimaginable wealth, and throwing lavish parties to impress Daisy, the cat his heart desires.
It’s an entirely plausible (paws-able?) concept. This feline muse is regal, beautiful, and notoriously difficult to win over. We would like to see you try, old sport. Granted, the car scenes will be a little tricky to pull off - but that's the magic of Hollywood, baby.
Ba-Dum Tss!
How do we make an appointment at Holly Ridge Veterinary Hospital? This sign is proof that the best jokes are simple and straightforward. The humor is so effortless it almost knocks you off your feet. Unexpectedly delightful.
Have you ever thought about the type of humor cats would have (if any?)? We think it would be just like this; dry, witty, and sharp. Not like dogs; they would probably like puns and knock-knock jokes exclusively. We’re pretty sure cats would approve of this sign. The only thing that can look like half a cat is the other half. One can try, but nothing else comes close to the original. Good luck.
The Horror!
Remember the days when “go to your room” felt like a punishment? What were we thinking? Things that sounded dreadful growing up have become unattainable adult goals today. Little kids fight nap time every day, if only they had some prophetic powers that could knock some sense into them.
Parties sound awful. They’re loud, and there are people there. All we want is to drink our green tea, catch up on overdue reading and get some sleep at a reasonable hour. Is that too much to ask for? We think not. One thing we will grant is that a child might not notice that this joke has nothing to do with animals.
Free Belly Rubs
You had us there for a moment. Dirty thoughts aside, there really is nothing better than a good old-fashioned belly rub. Ask any dog. Well, most of them, at least. Belly rubs are instant mood-lifters, and dogs can just roll over, make puppy eyes, and ask for one—the lucky bums. Cats, however, are a different story. Proceed with caution.
When dogs offer you their belly to rub, it is also a sign they trust you. Some feel-good vulnerability is exactly what humans need too. Yes, we’ve heard about this thing called therapy, but a belly rub sounds so much better.