They say that God is omniscient – that He knows all. Of course, the Father and the Son are both elements of God, which means it makes sense that Jesus would also see that weird thing you tweeted. You know that one thing. That one thing you shouldn’t have. Or maybe that thing you put on Instagram. Or TikTok.
Really, anything that you put on TikTok. The Lord God Almighty isn’t happy, and that’s not even getting to the rest of us. We don’t want to see it either. Feel free to use this image to respond to things that you hate!
Turn on the Fan
We've all had these kinds of days. You had too much fiber (or not enough, we aren't super sure how fiber works) and that means you're about to take your phone in the bathroom and not come out until you beat minesweeper on the hardest difficulty. This kid knows how things work – he's come prepared with a classic World War One-style gas mask to keep the fumes away.
His pose tells us he's used to this sort of thing. Where could someone use this kind of photo? In an ad for an air freshener, perhaps. Or maybe something like Bean-O or a fiber supplement.
They Don't Show This in the Show
Being a Barbie Girl isn't all it's cracked up to be, apparently. Yes, if your diet is all bakery treats and fun foods while you're out with your gal pals, that means a long trip to the comically-oversized loo. You'd think the Barbie dream house would have something that fits a little better, even if that toilet does seem to be smaller than the norm that most of us deal with.
Well, no matter what, that doll doesn't seem to be having the best day. Did she eat the wrong thing the day before, or has her perfect plastic world finally started to show cracks?
The Other Half
Everybody knows the centaur – a mystical, magical creature that has the body of a horse, and instead of a head, the upper body of a person. But what about the other way around? We see from this bizarre piece of stock-photo imagery that it's nowhere near as stirring as the first version.
And that's saying a lot since this centaur isn't what most people imagine. Instead of flowing hair and a regal appearance, it's a goofy old guy with a potbelly and a face like he just ran out of cheese whiz. The less we say about the creature he's facing, the better.
Oh No, It's So Sad
Stock images can be reused for various things. Three different people or organizations might look at a single photo and use it for three wildly different reasons. So, maybe, there are a bunch of people that look at this photo and don't just see a woman that is clearly thrilled this poor guy has kicked the bucket.
Is she the one behind his untimely death? Is she about to make big on his last will and testament? Is she some kind of demonic creature that is just that excited about a person passing away? There are many possible explanations, and none of them are good.
Heats It up the Perfect Way
Nothing beats a bologna sandwich, except for maybe a bologna sandwich that is nice and warm. That seems to be what this kid is thinking, as he stuffs either a computer or a DVD player full of lunch meat. Despite the fact that he's dressed to the nines, this little tyke clearly isn't the perfect child.
The face he's wearing tells us that this might be something that he's done a time or two. Makes you wonder why Mom or Dad keeps giving him that kind of sandwich for lunch. Maybe it doubles as a frying pan or something like that.
Vroom Vroom
No, there wasn't anything special in the coffee you just finished – this is a real stock photo that is available for people to use. Why people would want to use a picture of a woman sitting in and/or riding a... motor trike that is shaped like a glass slipper, a la “Cinderella?”
She's shining a light on the fluffy cat that is crossing the road, there's a stoplight that is giving the cat a green light, and storm clouds are gathering. This kind of image is only good for a bad self-published book on Amazon. That lady might even be some kind of celebrity.
Oh, How the Tables Have Turned
Not so nice being in a cage, is it, lady? That bird looks pleased to finally be able to stretch its legs and settle into an easy chair with a good book while the caged woman looks on. She looks pretty cramped in there, which means that big bird was probably having a rough time trying to do anything.
Camera angles might come into play here, of course, but the bird does seem bigger. It also kind of looks like this woman is being read to, so maybe the face she's making is in response to whatever trash Birdie picked up at the library.
Ah, the Olden Days
Can any among us claim he or she never went to Grandpa and Grandma's place during the summer, got dressed up in his or her best swimsuit, and went about holding gourds for a while? Well, no, none of us, and definitely not me between the ages of eight and thirteen. What could you use such a photo for? Well, if you want people to get excited about a farmer's market, maybe.
However, it might excite the wrong kind of people. And good news – there are lots of other similar images featuring the same guy in a collection for all of your gourd-holding needs.
Should Have Listened to the Warnings
Remember how your parents always told you not to swallow watermelon seeds while enjoying a big red slice during the summer? This is why. Be careful, or this googly-eyed monstrosity might just be looking back from the mirror the next time you wake up. If you want to make sure nobody ever shows up to one of your summer cookouts, this is the kind of picture you should add to the email.
Even if you say there won't be any watermelon, we can pretty much guarantee that people will be looking for a reason to send their regrets.
I Prefer the Night Shift
Your guess is as good as ours as to what the intention was for this picture. We think that it's supposed to be a vampire businessman ready for his next big meeting. Except he's clearly out in the sun, which means he should be bursting into flames.
Instead, his face is just getting really dirty – it's the opposite of the “Twilight” effect. Not exactly something a lot of teenage girls will find themselves being attracted to. But hey, maybe the guy really knows how to close a deal. Just because he's an undead blood-sucker doesn't mean he can't be a good businessman.
Carbon Copy
It's common knowledge that kids are going to look like at least one of their parents, but this is going a step too far. Junior already has the bright pearly whites, the dimpled cheeks, and the graying hair of his dear old dad – and he probably isn't even out of diapers yet.
Is the kid going to stay that way when puberty hits, or will he then age back down like Benjamin Button? We're thinking too hard about this. Where would you use this? Our best guess is it's in an ad for DNA testing.
This Must Be a Dungeons and Dragons Spell
We really hope you weren't hoping to have any sweet dreams tonight because this picture has gotten rid of all of them. We'd really like to know what kind of person sees this and thinks: “ah, yes, the perfect picture for my next project.” On the other hand, we'd also like to not know.
Maybe we can know who they are so we can keep them very far away from us. It's just...yuck. The gums are really strange, too. Also, what if the mouth was just a big eyeball? You're welcome for the nightmares or horror story fodder.
He Sees What You Tweeted
They say that God is omniscient – that He knows all. Of course, the Father and the Son are both elements of God, which means it makes sense that Jesus would also see that weird thing you tweeted. You know that one thing. That one thing you shouldn't have. Or maybe that thing you put on Instagram. Or TikTok.
Really, anything that you put on TikTok. The Lord God Almighty isn't happy, and that's not even getting to the rest of us. We don't want to see it either. Feel free to use this image to respond to things that you hate!
You've Filled Your Last Sausage
Sometimes a woman just has enough. Sometimes her man has just been spending far too long talking about pasta and meatballs, and not enough time spent tending to HER needs. Wouldn't it be nice if someone came home and asked her about her day? Yeah, that would be nice, but, no. He comes home and starts making his dinner. Well, enough is enough.
Look, she even hired a musician for the big event. We have no idea why someone would want to use this image, but it must have SOME kind of use. Maybe for a murder mystery party?
That'll Teach You to Schedule a Two-Hour Meeting!
We'd like to be clear: Kidnapping is bad. Still, if you have a boss that thinks bloviating in meetings is more important than actually working and getting stuff done, then there are a lot of better places for that boss to be than in the manager's chair. But not tied up in the trunk of a car! For legal reasons.
Still, we bet a lot of people who work in an office have felt something that approaches the emotions behind this interesting snapshot. Maybe not with a cell phone that old or while holding a stogie like that, but something close, at least.
Eat! You Must Eat!
The burger is nature's perfect food, but that doesn't mean everybody wants to eat one all the time. In this photo, we see quite a big guy feeding a much smaller woman what appears to be a burger – though his hand is so huge it's kind of difficult to tell exactly what it is. However, the title makes it clear: “Fat Man Feeding Girl Burger” is hard to misinterpret.
We're actually specifically interested in NOT knowing what this kind of picture is used for. We'd say maybe the guy should just eat the burger himself.
Nice Jacket
Okay, so this guy is wearing a jacket that is made entirely out of pictures of his own face. There it is, that's the picture. Why would somebody want to pay money for something like this? Beats us. Maybe there's a chance at least one person has paid money to use this image for something. Maybe some kind of open mic stand-up comic night.
We can't really come up with any other reasons why this image might get used. Other than “hey, come check out this stupid stock image I found. It's this guy wearing a jacket covered in smaller versions of his own face.”
I Bet You're Wondering How I Got Into This Situation
You're right, young infant, we are wondering how you got into that situation, and we're pretty sure that you don't know either. It looks like Mom has a pot photoshopped over her face, for one. Look closely and you can tell that it isn't natural, too.
There's something about the shadows around where the edge of the pot meets her hair and skin. There are what we hope are pasta stains on her top, as well. Just another crazy day at home, and the baby knows it. Still, that's not the kind of face you make if this has happened before.
It's Time to Get Clean
There's a fifty-percent chance that this picture is a thrilling daydream for you, but there's also a fifty-percent chance that this is your worst nightmare. Love it or hate it, you have to admit that it's the kind of image that sticks with you.
A woman, makeup perfect and eyes practically glowing as she stares into your soul. The only thing she's wearing is a pair of rubber gloves (in different colors), and she has a handful of soapy suds about to cover her face. The title of the picture is “Woman Cleansing Her Skin,” and we really think that's missing some of the details.
This Sandwich Tastes Funny
If you're trying to get your stomach ready for a big meal, a little bit of bread and butter is a perfect choice. Just don't have too much – that's how they get you. This young man seems to have things a little mixed up, however.
He's covered his phone with butter or even some cheese and is about to take a big bite as he holds a piece of bread up to his ear. While we aren't going to put it past Apple to come up with a completely edible phone, that's a little bit beyond them at this point.
Getting Ready to Go Out
Looking your best takes time, and this gal needs a lot of time to be seen at all. You see, it's because she's invisible. Or her head and torso are, at least – her hands and arms seem to be perfectly visible. Bad luck if this is just a random chance, but if the woman is in control of this power, having her head and hair be invisible while she's trying to style up doesn't seem like the best option.
Also, if her eyes are invisible, her retinas can't catch any light, and that's how she sees. So she's doing this while she's blind, too.
A Still From a Forgotten Eighties Movie
This father-daughter duo (according to the title of the photo, anyway) can apparently sense each other through the wall, even as they're both preparing for what are clearly separate dance routines. Dad is wearing a black tank top and rolled-up jean shorts, which is a look that we don't think has ever been in.
The daughter is wearing a little leotard, as well as what are most likely ballet shoes. Will she follow in her dad's footsteps and take up the break-dancing life? Or will she do what her mom always wanted, and become a professional ballerina? We think this image tells the whole story.
When Vegans Propose
A ring? Forget it. A ride on a canoe down a moonlit river? Not likely. How about a fistful of leaves? Now we're talking. Two people who are about to spend the rest of their lives together have to be on the same page, and sometimes that means resolving to follow the same kind of diet – often for moral reasons.
What better way to make sure you both understand that than to present your beloved with a whole lot of lettuce? Then again, those are some weird outfits to be proposing in. Baggy, frumpy clothes all around. Their expressions are a bit strange, too.
We Caught You Red-Pawed
This cat really thought he could get away with it. He really thought he could submit some false urine to the lab and not get caught with performance-enhancing substances (catnip, naturally). But, no, the lab was too good for him. He's going to get slapped with a big fine, and will probably have to sit out the rest of the season, maybe even a couple of games at the front end of next year, too.
This image captures the moment when the kitty is notified, and the evidence is provided. It's impossible to miss the guilt on the cat's face. He knows he's been caught.
This Is What Happens When You Land on the Naughty List
It's not just coal anymore – Jolly Old Saint Nick is prepared to dish out the pain if you've been a bad boy or girl this year. The guy that is on the receiving end of this Christmas punishment is willing to put up a fight. He must not know about Santa's magical powers.
There's no way a mere mortal could possibly defeat Kris Kringle himself. Still, this kind of fight isn't exactly in the Christmas spirit, unless Santa turns out to be a big Scrooge. What a twist that would be, right?
We Have the Exact Same Face
A woman with fiery red hair (and who is wearing nothing but a long sheet) is giving birth to a fully grown man who has such an intense frown on his face, we aren't sure if he knows he's in a photo shoot. The first time we saw this image, we also had that kind of face.
This is another stock image that leaves us wondering: just who, and for what reason, would want to buy the rights to this image? We guess you could use part of it in an art project or something like that – maybe as a symphonic metal album cover.
An Evening Snack
This picture shows us the seedy underbelly of society – a woman dunking what could either be a cookie or a frozen sausage patty into a stein full of beer. Maybe she's come up with some kind of flavor combo that works for her, but most people will get shivers down their spine seeing that combination.
We also want to bring up one other thing – the remote control in her pants. Particularly unhygienic, but at least it's easy to find it after you're done getting a gross snack for yourself. Also, does she have a mullet? We think she has a mullet.
Time to Make You Smooth
No dogs were harmed in the making of this stock image. If you didn't know, Shar Pei puppies like this one are wrinkled from head to toe, and they're oh-so-adorable because of it. If you didn't know better, you might want to know why that Pug is wearing a fur coat that's three sizes too big for it.
If you REALLY didn't know better, you might try to iron the wrinkles out. Don't do that. They're perfect just the way they are. However, it looks like this dog is enjoying the attention. Maybe it's like a really big, metal hand, for an extra-intense pet.
Hey There
There are a lot of things that we don't want to see coming toward us while we're walking down a dark alley. Things like a gang of thugs, or a hungry lion. Or a tank. But we think that this guy might have jumped to the top of the list.
He has so much shaving cream that we're surprised there's even any visible hair on his entire body. You'd think it would all just run away in fear. There's also the far-too-friendly smile, as well as the thick glasses. What guy keeps his glasses on while he's shaving with cream? That's just asking for smudges.
It's About Time
Did you hear that Jan from accounting and Parrot-man from sales finally realized what everybody else noticed years ago? They'd already had a couple of dates, and Mike saw them in the balloon room that's near the stairs, holding hands and looking into each other's eyes.
We've all been trying to get them together ever since the Christmas party last year, and I guess it finally took. Hopefully, they were in there to fill up the balloon room – it's getting a little bare, and November is coming up. We're going to need more products soon.
We All Have a Day Like This Occasionally
Even if most of the year we follow a proper food intake for the proper amount of protein, carbs, fat, fiber, nutrients, and minerals, sometimes our stomachs just decide to go off-script. We end up like this guy, shirtless in front of a heaping plate of spaghetti, utensils forgotten and hands scooping up pasta and sauce like our life depends on it.
Add in some meatballs and a little bit of Parmesan, and it sounds like a meal we could get behind. However, we're also having flashbacks to the first and only time we watched the movie “Se7en,” so this isn't all good.
Oh No, I've Fallen so Clumsily
After a long day of work, there's nothing better than getting out of your pants and flopping onto the couch, just like this gal. She even has a little bit of coffee with her, even if drinking at that angle seems like it would be nigh-impossible unless you just dumped it onto your face.
Also, she took her pants off before her shoes. We're no big fans of pants, but taking your shoes off does seem like it would be the priority. Maybe it's because her shoes coordinate with her top and the pillows on her couch so well.
Finally, Their Queen
You might have thought that Taylor Swift was the queen of the mannequins, but the real ruler has finally revealed herself. This under-dressed gal is prepared to march with her army of plastic soldiers onto her first goal: Kohls, where everybody can get dressed. Some people might be able to pull off a victory or two with a naked army, but most soldiers like to wear clothes.
Makes it easy to avoid notice. Plus, they can carry their plastic weapons and plastic grenades in their pockets. But soon they shall march through the streets with their queen on a big plastic throne.
There's No Other Way In
There are lots of cars out there, and some of them are really small. Like, you can barely fit two people inside them, and even that takes some maneuvering if they're anything above average height or weight. These two are, clearly, trying to fit themselves inside this little two-door sedan so they can hit the road on their Mediterranean vacation. The lady is so tall she's sticking halfway out the sunroof!
We also go back to the question of what someone would use this stock image for, and for this one we're coming up blank. Well, we have some ideas, but they aren't very nice.
Have to Stay Limber
Quarterly earning reports don't just happen. You have to be prepared for anything, and that means loosening up before the big meeting. We can easily see why this stock image would come about – there are tons of them featuring professionals in various situations, and this one isn't even close to the weirdest one you can find.
I bet people would put this in a PowerPoint deck about maintaining your health while burning the candle at both ends of the office. Just getting some movement in is a great way to keep your focus, improve your productivity, and have a better time at work.
Mad Max Has Changed
The desert is harsh. You have to do whatever you can to stay safe and cool, and we think this guy might have things a bit mixed up. While you think fewer clothes is a good idea – less heat – long clothes are the safest option. They block more sun. This guy missed the memo.
He has the right footwear, but the rest of the outfit doesn't really match. The pink trunks look like they encourage a breeze, but you want a little more protection. Plus, his top doesn't block the sun at all! At least he's wearing sunglasses. Eye safety is important.
Bundled Up for Sledding
Heading into the winter weather? Then you need to wear a jacket that will keep you protected from the cold and the elements. Parents are interested in making sure their kids are warm and comfortable – as well as safe from freezing snow – so we get a lot of coats like this one.
This little lady doesn't seem to be all that comfortable, but that's before she's been outside and working on a snowman for a few hours. However, sitting at a table like that, she does seem ready to have a meal more than a snowball fight.
Day Eight: They Have Accepted Me as One of Their Own
It's always fun when you go onto your favorite stock photo site and find a really weird one. It's hard to come up with any kind of description for this image other than weird, but “surreal” is a pretty good choice.
One person is hiding among the beach umbrellas with a pretty good disguise. The other umbrellas probably don't even notice he or she isn't one of their kind. But what happens once the sun comes out and beachgoers start arriving for their time in the sand and surf? Only time will tell.
I Think I Got a Piece of Bird Shot
Even chickens have embraced the punk scene. That one kid from high school who was covered in studs and piercings has nothing on a bird that is covered from talons to beak in sharp metal spikes. It's by far the most punk thing we've ever seen, even if it isn't likely this bird will be moshing much in the future.
You see, his goose is cooked. But there's a good chance it will be a nice, even bake, since the metal studs will heat up. Nothing to fear once you sit down to dinner. You might have to watch out when you're chewing, though.
Finally, Everything Is Organized!
No, clearly the work isn't done at this library, but that doesn't mean the librarian can't kick off her heels and have a little personal dance party surrounded by books. Once she's done doing the can-can, she'll have plenty of stacks to handle, but for now, let her have some fun.
If you're a library or a bookstore this is the kind of stock image that you need – people having a good time surrounded by books. The lady in the bright pink and purple dress might not be there to welcome shoppers, but it's still a good way to get people excited to visit.
Caught in the Act
Many stock images are planned, staged, and produced in an obvious way – the lighting is perfect, the framing is artistic, the clothes are picked out, and the models are the best that forty dollars can buy. Some of them, however, are the perfect photo taken at the perfect time, like this game of french-fry toss.
It's almost certainly not a staged image, but maybe someone still saw what was going on and thought “somebody on the internet will want to use this for an art project at some point, and I am going to be the one making some money from it.”
Ride 'Em!
Just because you have to work at a high-rise in the city doesn't mean that you can't have a little bit of fun. This company boss has decided to unwind the way he did as a kid, by riding Silver off into the sunset. His tie whips above his head like a lasso, and whether he's about to tie down a steer or wrangle a rustler, his eyes are on the prize.
Of course, once the fun is over it's back to taxes, reports, and long hours at his desk, but he still manages to fit a little bit of fun into his busy day.
Enough for the Whole Class
There are some days when you feel like you could never stop eating. We get the feeling this lady knows what it's like. She has enough pasta to last her for at least a few days eating nothing else, though she might want to throw some veggies in there, too. Fiber is always good.
Maybe you could use this picture if you're throwing a dinner party or you work for a restaurant, but we're not sure what else. Maybe you just really, really, REALLY like pasta, and this is the best way to display it. How long did it take to cook all of that?
Really Excited About This Cabinet
If you've worked hard on something, you want to show it off. That's just about the only thing we can come up with for this stock photo. It's a pretty good cabinet, that's for sure. Lots of space for items big and small. Why someone thought it would work out as a stock image is beyond us, but there's so much we don't know about the market.
Artists, businesses, and regular Joes like us use them for all sorts of things, so it's best to have a variety of images to choose from. Still, it's a bit...normal compared to some of the other pictures here.
He's Got Game
No fake gamers here – this guy knows his stuff. From early “Pong” to the latest edition of “Call of Duty,” he's played them all. Atari, Sega, Nintendo, Playstation, Xbox, and all the others are in his collection, and he had to find another way to show that he's the master of them all.
What else but a crown of controllers sitting atop his head, cords tangled until it seems unlikely he can ever get out? Not that he wants to, of course – he earned his title, and the king doesn't just take off his crown. No matter how heavy it is.
I'm Having Some Doubts
Clearly, one of these two dogs is a big impostor. We just...aren't sure exactly which one it is, however. No, we're kidding. It's obviously...one of them. Okay, so it's clear which one is which, but it doesn't give us any more info about why this picture was taken in the first place. It's not a bad pic, but it still seems kind of...mysterious.
Why is the dog in the Dalmatian hoodie? Is he trying to blend in, or is he wearing a costume that's made out of his own spots? For the record, the other dog isn't buying it for a second.
We All Love Mattresses
When you finally reach the end of the day, sometimes the only thing that you can think about is reaching your bed and collapsing on it. This kid knows the deal. Still, he definitely has a weird way of going about it. Giving your mattress a cuddle is one thing, but junior here is doing it in a way that we don't think any of us can imitate.
He's quite limber. Plus, he's also got his legs jammed underneath the mattress. Where would you use this image? Beats us. Maybe something about a rummage sale or a yard sale or something like that.
Gotta Stay Hydrated
Old deck chairs are surprisingly dangerous – they have a number of sharp points and pinching zones that will really get you if you aren't paying attention. Like when you were trying to grab the drink that is just a smidge too far. Snap! Now you're trapped forever.
We guess models need all the work they can get, but this is the kind of job that you really have to work to convince someone to take. This guy is prepared to relax no matter what gets in his way – even a deck chair that looks like it's chewing him up.
Better Than a Lot of Other Options
That's enough work, we think. After a long week, everybody needs to unwind. For a lot of people that means heading home and throwing on a movie or going to a bar with some friends. For others, it means stripping down and jumping into a kiddie pool for some good old-fashioned fun. We do ask, however, that you at least wait until you're at home to do this, unlike the subject of this stock photo.
Everybody else would prefer you to at least wear some skivvies. We bet this picture would find a landing place in an article about bad coworkers or something like that.
The Harvest Will Be Good This Year
Well, where did you think baby dolls come from? A factory? Don't be silly. Most of them come from Australia, which has really good soil for growing toys, but some people have little hobby farms that they use to grow dolls of their own. It's a great activity to do with kids, as we can see here.
Now, what would someone use this kind of stock photo for, besides to make fun of it? Activities with kids? How to repurpose old toys? Somebody who wants to get people interested in farming? Maybe a Harry Potter fan?