Bad breath is the kind of thing that you need a friend for. Because it’s stuck in your mouth and nose, you don’t even notice it’s there. The best way to get this kind of information is to have somebody hand you a piece of gum on the sly, but this is certainly another option.
While the person telling this story might be right in saying you shouldn’t go around insulting people, a lot of the time, it’s still nice to know that your breath needs a little freshening.
Casting Shade on the Bride
A golden rule, be it written or unwritten, is not to say anything bad about the bride during the wedding. It's her big day! Even if she looks like she's wearing a burlap sack as a wedding dress, you tell her she looks beautiful, then you hit the dance floor.
Someone must have forgotten to tell this little girl that fact, even if she did say that the wedding dress was nice. But hey, maybe her dress was nicer. There are a lot of wedding dresses out there that needed another layer of editing before they hit the altar.
Conversations Will Be Had At Home
Yes, in case you didn't notice, women grow when they get pregnant. It's part and parcel of the whole having an entirely separate person inside your body. Kids, who might not know any better, sometimes feel it's necessary to point out that a certain woman has gained weight, or is simply weighty.
This kid at least asked first, instead of just pointing a finger and laughing. From the way the parent reacted to this sort of thing, this seems common in the "brat's" household. Did his second attempt make it any better? Sort of. Sometimes a kid is just inquisitive.
Not What I Meant
Not only do kids often not realize that what they're saying is the proper thing, they also don't realize what some things can mean. So, when this mom tells her son that she shouldn't talk like that, his response is just to lower his voice, as if that makes everything better.
Still, at least the lower voice probably won't carry as far, so maybe the fat guy didn't notice him saying anything. Naturally, the mom very quickly took all of the kids and got out of there quickly, so we can guess that the kid was still within earshot.
It'll Happen to You Too, Kid
It's a sad fact of nature: Most guys will lose their hair. Sure, there are some things you can do to slow it down – medicine, procedures, hats – but it will still happen. It's just genetic. Even though it's so common, and so many men – GREAT men – go through life with a bald pate.
This kid hit his dad hard, even though dad put up a strong front while standing up to the facts of life. If this happens to you, just remember that your children (male children, at least) will most likely suffer the same fate.
Emergency to the Burn Ward
We aren't even going to beat around the bush here. This one is savage. If we heard it in real life, we would have clutched our chests like we had just been punched in the solar plexus. And if we had been the recipient of this vicious attack? Just would have keeled over right then and there, probably. Fallen right over and not moved until someone brought us a plate of pasta, most likely.
Still, you can at least keep yourself pepped up that if this child was a boy, he'll have to go through the exact same thing.
Technically Correct
Parents have it rough. To know you can absolutely roast any kid that tries to square up against you with just a few words, but knowing that it's best to keep it in your back pocket for when they really deserve it. This little girl thinks she's hot stuff for pointing out that her old man is just that, and she isn't old.
Well, enjoy it while you can, kid, because one day YOU'RE GOING TO BE OLD, TOO! Hahahahahaha! Anyway, Just let her have her fun. She'll probably feel bad about it once she's grown up a little bit.
Time to Hit the Gym
Sometimes, even though kids can be pretty brutal with the way they deliver information, they'll still tell you something that you need to hear. Maybe you've gone to Cambodia for a little while to get away from life. Help the less fortunate, you know? Something that really gives you something to feel good about.
But then a little snot from an orphanage comes up to you and tells you that you're a big, fat fatty. There's no way to avoid the issue anymore. You're going to have to change things yourself. Grab some weights, dump the soda, and get moving.
Looking for the Facts
Kids are, at their core, inquisitive. They want to know everything about the world around them, and they don't care who they're going to insult to get the information. In this example, the kid didn't even want to hurt anybody's feelings or anything like that. He just wanted to figure out what he could do differently.
This gives the storyteller a wonderful opportunity. Answers such as “I didn't eat my vegetables” are perhaps the best options, but you could go all the way to “I'm you from the future” if you wanted.
Yeah, Thanks Kid
Kids are known to go on the offensive. They'll fire off broadsides like they're at Midway, hardly caring who they hit with their vicious truths. Trust us, you almost never have to tell anyone that they have a lot of pimples. The mirror tells them every time they go to the bathroom.
The best way to get back at the kid for this kind of thing is find them in, oh, nine or ten years, and deliver the same thing, verbatim, as they're glumly trying to wash their face to get all the oil off. That's when you strike.
It's Almost as if He's Trying to Tell Me Something
Maybe it's because a lot of kids spend a good amount of time at gut height, but they really seem to love bringing up how big a person is, whether that's because of pregnancy or just plain old “too many pizzas.”
Of course, kids don't really start to get big until they hit the double digits, so maybe this tot just didn't realize how small he really was in comparison to everything.
A Sobering Moment
Yeah, okay, fine, but let's focus on the important stuff here. We don't know what the little girl was dealing with here, but it's nice to see that her dad was there to make things a little easier. Death probably doesn't seem as final to most young kids.
It might not start to actually become something they consider until they're in high school or college. Maybe even after that. Lots of young people don't have any kind of life insurance, even if they might want to have it around.
See These Hands, Kid?
There's just no good way to get back at a kid who brings this kind of thing to bear. You can't really clap back, because either they don't understand what you say, or they'll just burst into tears. And you certainly can't use your physical might – the authorities frown on such a thing. So what can you do?
Nothing, really. Let them have their time in the sunshine. You know that darkness will come to cover their beauty and youth. One day. And then you'll be there, reassuring them that it will be alright – everybody bows to time.
Well, That Answers That Question
Kids will figure things out eventually, but before a certain age, they don't really get the ins and outs of how a baby is formed. Unless you're an underwater equine, guys don't hold the baby in their tummy like women do.
So, this kid asked a question that is pretty easy to answer, all things considered. Then again, the way this kid asked the question makes us feel like he or she already knew the answer and was just trying to give this guy a burn. From the mouth of babes, they say, but sometimes the truth is already clear.
We See Clear Areas of Improvement
Arguments happen from time to time - we all know that. None of us are perfect, and even the most even-tempered people can get heated every once in a while. This guy got into an argument with his fiancee – we don't know the details of the argument, but it seems to have been bad enough for the daughter to step in and give her account.
This is harsh, but we bet the guy would admit it's true. At least the kid pointed out that he's doing some things right. She's working on the compliment sandwich.
Time to Move On
So, not only did this guy have to deal with the pain of someone breaking up with him, but then he had a little kid throw his pain right into his face. You're a good friend, kid.
However, having gone through a breakup or two in our lives, we might be so bold as to say that the kid had the right idea – go play some tag or hopscotch or Minecraft with the kid to get your mind off of it. It's not gonna be easy, and we can't guarantee anything, but it might just make you feel better.
You Know What, I'm Still Not Sure
We are guessing that this question was given in want of a purely physical answer, but we wouldn't be surprised if the recipient of the question had to give it a good long think before answering.
Maybe the person has a youthful face or is small enough to look like a kid, but does the person the question is directed to FEEL like a kid? It's a question for thinkers, philosophers, and maybe even therapists. Here's the skinny: if you want to feel like an adult, act like one.
I'm Not Even Mad
Well, having good humor about your own situation is a good way to make sure you don't get too bent out of shape when you get comments such as this one. Plus, the big fork at a barbecue? Score. Even if you aren't “the fattest,” it's not a bad add to your dining experience.
Even little people like to chow down when they get to this kind of food. Yeah, we're the biggest, give us the biggest fork! That's exactly how it works. This revelation might be harsh, but it can still be true and good.
The Kid's Just Trying to Help Out
While most young kids don't really understand the details of a relationship, some of them have picked up on those sweet deets quicker than most. This kid seemed to have things worked out when it came to this relationship, and he was just trying to help out a fellow man.
It might have been hard to hear, especially from someone so young, but if he was right, there's no reason to be mad at him. Maybe the girlfriend in question out and out said that she was just trying to make her ex jealous. That would probably help.
You Gotta Get Healthy
That is likely the best option for this person, since she is still alive and all. Smoking ain't good for you; that's what the box itself says, and being sick likely made it much worse, especially for the person that has to do all the coughing.
While the kid is right, what can the doctor tell them? To stop smoking? Yeah, thanks Doc, I figured out that one. But, maybe that kind of wake-up call is exactly what the smoker needed to realize she had to either change her habits or end up in a much worse kind of life.
Nobody Escapes Unscathed
This kid is going to make it big as a roast comedian if this kind of thing keeps up. She might have to turn the corner from simple observation to actual comedy at some point, but four years old is still a pretty good age for learning how humor works.
Both parents got hit by this kid – mom when she was growing a pregnancy mustache, and dad when he finally got big enough to reach “wild animal” status. Both of them decided to do something about it, and that's exactly what these harsh words should accomplish.
I'm Just Trying to Be Real Here
First off, we really love that a kid picked “Robot” as his English name. They know how to get it done. He or she is going to go places - hopefully, a robotics lab. But then one of the kids decided that this English teacher just didn't have enough of the necessary beauty to earn the Chinese word for beautiful as her Chinese name. Harsh.
The kid tried to soften the blow a little bit by saying she was nice and all, but that's still a jab that she's going to feel for a little while.
Yes, They Are, Honey
Sometimes it's just impossible to ignore the truth. When three guys or gals have come together and are all of a bigger size, then sometimes kids will pick up on the gathering and state the obvious. No, it might not be kind, but that's the kind of article this is.
Interestingly, the mom doesn't seem to care that much that the kid is pointing out something that could very likely be hurtful. She just nods in agreement and goes about her life. Maybe the kid does this all the time, and she's just tired of trying to tell them off.
Yeah, But Which Shape?
The thing about this is it's true. Like, obviously. Everybody's head is a shape. That's how stuff works. Any object that exists in the real world is a shape. Was this supposed to be a brutal attack? Were they just pointing out the obvious?
And the big question: was this comment actually hurtful, as the tale seems to say, or was it just making a goof about how kids can be hurtful – even if this comment didn't exactly cut that deep? Hard to say, but we wouldn't burst into tears if we heard that our head is “a shape.”
Softening the Blow
So this kid not only understands that her dad might need to back off on the Twinkies, but she also knows that saying something like that can be seen as unfriendly.
However, as it is with most kids and quite a lot of people, her mouth was moving just a little faster than her brain. She still got the original message across, even if she tried so, so hard to adjust the skid. It still landed, but at least she tried.
Looking Back
This story comes to us from long in the past, when the very kid in question recounts it and still feels bad. Sure, maybe Dad could have been around a little more, and maybe been a little better of a dad, but that still makes this kind of thing hard to stomach for a father.
Yeah, maybe Heather's daddy has a more traditional dad-vibe to him, but plenty of dads try really hard and don't get the accolades that they might rightly deserve. We don't know this relationship, but the kid feels bad now that they are all grown.
Like, SO MUCH PRETTIER
Divorce can be really tough on kids, but sometimes there are good things at the same time. Like a really really, really pretty new girlfriend for daddy. Is that a good thing for the kid?
Kids are actually drawn to people that are naturally more attractive, but this seems like an odd thing for a kid to go on and on about. And on and on and on about. Is her mom a hunchback or something like that? Well, at least she wasn't saying it to her mom directly.
Just Trying to Help Out
The kids were really trying their hardest, trying to make the best of the situation, but just didn't understand everything that was going on. They heard the word date, knew things were a little rocky at home, and thought they knew that they had a handle on what was going on.
A few kid lies came out, and then things got complicated. Thankfully, the story has a happy ending since the problems at home have been resolved, but they still probably made things awkward.
Telling on Dad
Sometimes dads do the wrong thing and leave their kids and wives behind to try and find something a little more exciting. What could be more exciting than being a father? It makes us shake our heads, it really does.
This little guy just wanted to see how to use a drill, something a dad should be able to show him, but a boy scout troop is a good second choice. At the same time, he hit his dad hard with some words that we have decided to adjust slightly.
That's a Very Good Question
That's the kind of question that only Uncle John will have to answer. We bet we can guess, though – it probably has something to do with not enough time in the gym and too much time rooting through the pantry.
This story is also kind of funny that the kid wasn't able to piece it together by him or herself, but instead had to pose the question to dad. We have no idea how old this kid is, but we have to hope that it's the age when the differences between the genders start to become more obvious.
Adding Insult to Injury
Kids really seem to harp on weight when it comes to adults, and it makes sense – it's one of the things that they are able to see quickly at just a glance.
This kid not only pointed out that her dad had the chesticles that would put him in the running as most-endowed in the family, but did it right after delivering a swift kick right to the upper torso. She's learning multiple ways to wound, so we hope that the parents put a stop to that kind of activity.
Covering All the Bases
We had to cut a little bit out of this story because the author used a few unkind words (mostly in jest) to refer to their ten-year-old neighbor, but it's impossible not to include it on our list. Not only does this kid say that the person he's talking to is not all that attractive, but he also insinuates that they are also simply bad.
A little bit of digging, however, shows that the kid just wants to hang out and play video games – but the target of his ire has a job and hobbies, so it doesn't work out.
You're Useless
Aww, look at that. The little guy wants to hang out with his grandma. Well, there isn't anything more pure than that. There are also few things harder to hear than a grandson that has decided his Am'ma is no longer welcome to talk on the phone.
This lady had things to do, kid, she's trying to get an education, and she has to pay her bills. It's not like you're never going to see her again; she just can't drop her whole life to spend time with you, especially if the grandma lives so far away!
Something You Have to Hear
Life can get us down sometimes – stuff can pile up around you, and if you don't have a good way of getting through those difficult stressors, then you can sometimes take it out on other people, even if they don't deserve it.
Even if you're doing your best to resist the temptation to shout, kids can tell if you're having a difficult time. Mom was trying to make it seem okay to the kid, but the kid wouldn't pull any punches. The dad didn't feel good about this, but hopefully, it's a good way to change his behavior.
You Must Smile!
Kids often take on the emotions you show when they're around you, and nobody likes to be unhappy, even if they have a good reason. Sometimes, however, a kid will refuse to bend to the will of the emotions around them, like this one. She's going to make sure that you smile, even if you don't want to.
The weird thing is that's been proven to help your mood increase. If you're feeling down about something, just forcing yourself to smile is going to help you feel a little bit better.
Time for Some Tic-Tacs
Bad breath is the kind of thing that you need a friend for. Because it's stuck in your mouth and nose, you don't even notice it's there. The best way to get this kind of information is to have somebody hand you a piece of gum on the sly, but this is certainly another option.
While the person telling this story might be right in saying you shouldn't go around insulting people, a lot of the time, it's still nice to know that your breath needs a little freshening.
So What Does That Make Me?
This is one of the worst things to hear because there isn't really much you can do about “pretty.” Sure, you might be able to lose or gain some weight, wear different clothes, or do your makeup in a different way, but there's still a genetic component that some people just don't get. Thanks, mom and dad.
This kid doesn't even realize that he just dealt a stunning blow to his family member. He was just trying to make sure he knew who was who.
Making a Change for the Better
While kids can really be brutal sometimes, that fact can often work out as an advantage. Maybe you've had a little tyke call out your gut, and it's encouraged you to get into a healthy weight. On this occasion, the kid didn't like how her daddy's breath smelled, and she was willing to let him know.
As we can see in the story, the mom or dad decided that that was enough of the ol' cancer sticks for the rest of his or her life.
It's the Thought That Counts
A miscarriage is one of the most painful, upsetting things that can happen to a person. While many kids might not exactly understand the entire process, they still understand that something bad has happened, and they often want people to feel better.
This kid, while certainly on the right track, got lucky after blurting out something that many would dislike hearing. This woman, however, was struck by the realness of the line, and she burst out laughing. All in all, it was probably something that she needed a lot of. Good job kid, but don't do it again.
He Means Well
Neuroatypical kids have an extra-hard time figuring out the proper things to do in some situations, but at least this little guy was able to get across that he was, actually, sorry. Now, a typical adult saying this would probably be frowned upon, but someone who has Asperger's? There's nothing wrong with that.
Grandma even knew exactly what he was trying to say. However, if the shoe fits, wear it, and it's pretty easy to say that this statement is a brutal thing to say.
Don't Laugh Too Hard
There are some really, really ugly fish out there, which means this comment could be the kind of thing that sticks with a guy. On the other hand, there are some really good-looking fish out there in the sea, so maybe it wasn't that bad.
One way or another, this kid probably doesn't realize how much he or she might have just hurt the dad of the family. Still, the kid is going to have to deal with the exact same thing once he or she grows up – genetics, baby, and you'd better get used to it.
It Will Happen to You, Too
Kids might not realize it, but they often look like one or both of their parents. Sometimes they take elements from the grandparents too, but it's usually the parents that are driving the car when it comes to that sort of thing.
This kid hopes that she doesn't get acne, but that, just like so many other things, comes from the parents. There are a lot of things that will make it better – eating right, keeping clean – but for a lot of people, it's fighting a losing battle.
This Is Just Mean
Sometimes kids want to learn more, sometimes they just want to hurt. This seems to be the latter case. The ex-girlfriend's daughter just wanted to cast shade on the guy that is taking time out of her day to drive her around. Seems pretty mean if you ask us.
There are lots of ways to mess with someone like this, though. For instance, find out what that daughter's favorite music is, and say you love it! That will send her through the roof for sure.
Harsher Words Have Never Been Spoken
That's the kind of thing you get banned for, that's for sure. “School of Rock,” “King Kong,” or “Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny”? Those are all acceptable options, but “Goosebumps” just isn't.
The number of ways this can be taken as an insult is numerous – Jack Black isn't that trim, and he isn't what you would call traditionally attractive, but he's still a perfectly reasonable man. Was he any good in “Goosebumps?” Not sure. And as for the kid getting the boot from the house, there was probably more than this.
Shout About It, Why Don't You
The story goes on to say that, despite this being more than forty years ago, this person still cringes at the thought of yelling such a thing in even a slightly public place, especially to a guest.
Of course, to a kid, shouting something like this makes perfect sense – she's Jewish, she's a lady, and names are tough for kids to remember. Sure, yelling that sort of thing might be weird if you're an adult, but we can give the kid a pass.
There Goes That Relationship
Okay, well, guess we should be moving on, then, since clearly, things aren't going to work out with that lady. If the younger sister just comes right out and says it, then it's probably pretty clear that the older sister isn't meant to be with you.
In fact, it's probably best for you to stand up, say your goodbyes, and then just go and don't turn back. It's going to save you a lot of time and a good amount of heartache, too.
The Young Grim Reaper
Telling people that they're going to die is seen as, at best, uncouth. To go up to an older woman in the waiting room of some kind of medical establishment like a hospital or a clinic and say, “you're gonna die sooner,” is far worse than uncouth. Despite this, we'd like to point out just how true it is.
Still, even if you know exactly the details of someone's time on the mortal coil, it's usually best to not go around blabbing about it. That old lady might be able to pick you up and throw you like a football.
Judged for Your Movie Preferences
It might be a little strange to see a guy going to watch a kid's movie by himself, but there's certainly nothing wrong with it. Well...we guess it depends on which movie it is. “The Jungle Book” from 2016 was a live-action re-imagining of a classic Disney animated movie that came out in 1967.
Maybe there's a guy out there that loved the movie when he was a kid, and wanted to see the new version without having to wait? Is that still creepy? Is it really? Maybe a little bit, but we'll let it slide.
Should Have Seen That One Coming
All right, you got us here. You ask a kid that doesn't really have all the elements of comedy down? This is the kind of comeback that is going to get plenty of laughs on the playground, but it won't exactly bring down the house at the Apollo.
Of course, at four years old, you don't really have the kind of perception to actually make a judgment call on the parent asking this question. It was probably just an immediate response while playing with toys. How do you recover from this? Simple: respond with “What if YOU are the joke?”
That Spice Burns
Poor mom – she just wants what's best for her kids, and all she seems to get in return is shade from her kid. However, from how this story is framed, it seems like this was an accidental burn – the little girl was just excited about the possibility of an American Spice Girl, and hey, her mom is an American!
It all makes perfect sense. Except for accidentally calling her mom fat and ugly, which we're sure she wasn't. Here's hoping she got over it and realized her kid didn't mean it.
Looking for the Right Woman
While she didn't really understand exactly what was going on, this little girl still knew that there were a lot of women in her main man's life.
Just a simple question, and the kind of thing that a princess-obsessed little girl might ask, but it's still something that will get a young dad to realize that he has to start looking for the kind of woman that will be a good mom for his little one. We're all looking for our princess, in our own special way.